I can't decide on anything.

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    I almost cried
    more than once
    on new years eve.
    because he was gone
    because he wasn’t here
    because she was leaving
    because she had already been gone
    because I was gone
    because I had left years ago.

    and now I’m crying
    because no one trusts
    my choice of clothes.
    earlier today I cried
    because I heard a song
    about a church and
    people letting you down.
    then I read a poem
    about a snake and a stranger
    and a dog, about killing
    nice things and I cried
    because I don’t know how that fits
    in my life and it’s terrifying.

    I guess what you said was true,
    I do have a fetish for sad things.
    I guess that’s why you’re my favorite,
    even though you keep saying
    you don’t feel sad.
    it’s a great feeling,
    I promise.
    I’ll show you everything you need to know.
    I’ll make a list of everything
    that feels like being buried in snow.
    then you’ll cry for the third time
    and you’ll come and thank me
    because you’ve never felt so sad before.
    but I guess then you’ll just be
    the person I want you to be.

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