I memorize poems
that I think I have written
because I always hear them in my voice.
I wish I could write poetry,
I wish I could write in something other than cliches.
I wish I could say things like
"my hands have been softer since you’ve left
but now that you’re back
blood is pouring from my knuckles”
or something that goes
"I want to meet the creatures in the depth of the ocean
right before my death.
they will kiss my eyes and I will admire them.
how they don’t need their eyes,
how they have never seen your face,
so there is no way that they can ruin themselves
like I did
because of your face
from that one moment’
I wish I would cut all my hair.
I wish I would buy things that I don’t need.
I think I need your jaw.
I know I don’t,
but I haven’t been able to get your skin
off of my fingers.
it has sunk in too much.
I wish I would cut off my hands.
I am in love with the idea of hands.
I tell boys I don’t love them.
I don’t tell them it’s because
of their hands.
I listen to songs that remind me
of the first boy with perfect hands.
he was water,
he drowned me,
he drowns me.
all of his songs bury me.
I can remember his voice saying it.
"your strength is in my hand,"
I think the last boy had the most
he told me I was perfect
and one week later
took it back.
he drowned me.
all I could hear was the echos
of those creatures.
they couldn’t see his face
but kissed my burning eyes.
I wish I could write poetry.